There are a lot of seasons and changes surrounding raising a household full of kids. At first they’re little and their care is physically demanding. The nights are sleepless, and the days are loud and full of the vivacious demands. And then they are proto-adults, young men and women with emotional needs, in addition to the big dauntless challenge of launching into the wide world for their own life adventures. And they both hold on to you for dear life and kick against you desperate to leave. And you are shorn in two from the inside out and know a new kind of sleeplessness. And you still have grade schoolers, if your family is a little bigger than two or three kids close in age, and you try to mend the worn through spaces in the fabric of your heart to give them too. And you’re not sorry, not really sorry for any of it. Because you did the best with what you had, and shared everything you were and even if you know better now, you would wish yourself amnesia if you had it to do all over again, because there is no wisdom that can spare you, and no bravery apart from ignorance that would prepare a heart for this beautiful, terrible, marvelous, wretched journey. And you look back and cry, for all the good reasons.
I mended my own jeans last night. They’re my favorite pair. I already loved them. And now I love them more.
The new homeschool year is beginning. I’m sorting and decluttering our school and office supplies. I even managed to update my desk area, where I have these cubbies we always use but are somehow inaccessible and cluttered. The solution occurred to me as these custom cardboard drawers, which I will eventually decorate with either patterned or black paper. I haven’t decided yet.
With a clear desk now, I have to spend some time and energies getting more of the subjects assigned to more of the kids. But my husband repurposed some old material we had and some brackets from our last house and installed some shelving in our storage loft. I can more easily sort and manage our instruction manuals now. So that makes three repairs or updates for zero dollars. Winning.
And I have been spending the summer doing small projects and short tutorials to reskill on art programs I want to become proficient in. Today I took a little procreate tutorial on using the symmetry drawing assist and working with texture brushes. I might have strayed from the assignment. I wanted to draw a crown. but it became an avocado. I don’t have any explanations.
Nikki Dreamer Illustration 
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