Never Say Never

When I was a kid, my mom said a lot of wise things. But a few of them I was both paying attention when she said them and absorbing her meaning. One of these was probably because she repeated it at us a few times, probably about school and chores, and likely also when we were freaking out emotionally about social situations.

This young youtuber has hit upon exactly what my mom was telling me. If you say everyone hates you, then you are generalizing and you will put that on yourself and not be able to overcome it. But if you narrow down to the fact that people have been laughing at you and you feel awkward, and it’s specifically this one friend group, and it’s possibly led off by this one guy in particular who a few of your friends like to impress etc. Drilling down to the specifics breaks the bonds that the generalization first formed and then you’re free to work out ways to handle the limited specific issues themselves and have the power back to either overcome them or to endure through them.

So avoid absolute terms that generalize. Everyone, no one, always, never, can’t, etc. Re-frame them back and test them to see what you actually mean when you use them, and it’s likely you’ll discover the concrete of the words can dissolve into possibilities and a way forward.